I have done some pretty stupid things in my life. For instance, putting a boat in the water without the plug in ... and realizing it when the gas tank came floating past my feet.
Or the time I tried to right a fallen coke bottle with a bottle rocket sitting inside it, lit and ready to go. The rocket hit me right between the eyes and knocked a divot in my nose, not to mention stars in my head. Or the time I bashed into the side of an automobile back in high school because I was more interested in the girl sitting next to me than the traffic coming down the road. Or the time I hit a fisherman with a golf ball after teeing off next to a water hazard. The ball luckily hit the man’s fishing pole square on. Otherwise he probably would have died. Or swimming in a lightning storm, or sneaking out of the parents’ house at night looking for trouble, or going a hundred miles an hour on a narrow country road.
I’m not the only one who makes moronic decisions, though. A dedicated Havana Herald reader sent me a list of some stupid things other people have done. Misery sure does love company.
TOP 8 MORONS OF 2003
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "that's not what I said!"
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING? A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart." "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)!
8. THE GRAND FINALE! Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22-foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong.
A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!