This is one of those weeks when I’ve got four deadlines going on at the same time. Soooo ... here’s a guest column on Speaking Southern. I love these things because they’re true! Hope you enjoy them.
Submitted By Family Tree
Contraction used to indicate the specific item desired. "Pass me attair gravy, please"
An amber fluid used to lubricate engines. "Ah like attair car, but it sure does take a lot of awl."
What water does at 212 degrees Fahrenheit. "That gal cain't even bawl water without burnin' it."
Expression of intent or faith. "Ah bleeve we ought to go to church this Sunday."
The soft drink that started in Atlanta and conquered the world. "Ah hear they even sell Co-cola in Russia."
To render aid. "Can Ah cyst you with those packages, ma'am."
To be scattered in all directions. "You should have been there when the train hit attair chicken truck. Them chickens flew everwhichways.
A state of combustion that produces heat and light. "Ah reckon it's about time to put out the far and call in the dawgs."
The colorful, sweet-smelling part of a plant. "If yo wife's mad at ya, it's smart to take her some flares."
Term employed by genteel Southerners to avoid saying Ain't. "Mighty hot today, idinit?"
Did you. "Jew want to buy attair comic book, son, or just stand there and read it here?"
Whiskey; either the amber kind bought in stores or the homemade white kind that federal authorities frown upon. "Does he drink? Listen, he spills more likker than most people drink.'
Thank you. "Muchablige for the lift, mister."
Anything that is not Southern. "He is a classic product of the superior Nawthun educational system." (sarcasm)
In that direction. 'Where's yo paw, son?" He's ovair, suh."
Completely. "Ah'm plum wore out."
The opposite of sweet. "These pickles sure are saar."
A GM car. "Nobody could drive a Shovelay like Junior Johnson."
Fatigued. "Ah'm too tarred to go bowlin' nonight."
A tool employed in changing wheels. "You cain't change a tar without a tar arn."
Someone who lives in the United States of Uhmurka. "Thomas Jefferson was a great Uhmurkin."
Metal strands attached to posts to enclose domestic animals. "Be careful and don't get stuck on that bob war."
To beat or to strike. "OOOEEE!!! Yer mama's gonna whup you fer sayin' a cuss word."
Is that. "Zat yo dawg?